The big news now is that the exquisite Making Love Retreat is soon here 19th – 25th May.

If you’re feeling the need to reignite your relationship, find a way of making love that will revolutionise your life, that is healing, loving and health enhancing, there are still places for this May Making Love Retreat. If you have any questions I’d be happy to answer them.

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I’d seen TED talks before and have either been enormously moved or inspired. It was so terrifying to me that I put off applying until the last morning deadline. I woke up asking myself “Why would I want to put myself through this?” I couldn’t get clear. I knew I had a message but wanted to be sure of my motivation. … not just for glory or fame, that wouldn’t work. So I pulled out my favourite cards at the moment, The Virtues Project cards.

The exact words were ‘It’s time for you to stand up for what you believe in.’

Literally! Those were the words! How could I question that! I took it as a message from the Divine …. I put aside my ego, my frightened parts, walked downstairs and started typing from my heart, the things that concerned me as a mother about a daughter growing up in the current overtly sexual culture. The topic is ‘Catalysts for Change’.

I sent it to my friend who said “Press the button! Send it!”

So I did. And lo and behold, on the auspicious 21^st December 2012, I received that email that said I was accepted. My jaw dropped. My eyes widened and another hot wave of dread poured over me. I shook right to my bones!

These past months have been personally very challenging. I feel I have been tossed around by so many frightened parts of my personality as I have had to become used to the idea of being so exposed in public. I haven’t felt so much anxiety for a long time.

As I looked deeper, I discovered and uncovered a very deep layer of shame that was at the core of the anxiety. If I could hide away and do something where no one noticed me I’d be happy but somehow life has given me a different hand. If you believe the idea that you are here to evolve, then life will always ask more of you. I guess that’s what I believe!

To make peace with shame is actually a beautiful thing. There’s a relief in it … like a coming home. It explains a lot … to embrace that much vulnerability has a certain sweetness to it. It made sense to me.

I’m wondering … what things do you need to make a stand for?

What things would challenge those frightened parts to reveal themselves enough that you could embrace them with your own love so compassionately?

Stand with me in your chosen quest and let’s support each other to be who we really are. I’d love you to share with me below. From my heart to yours x

If you’d like to join my newsletter to stay in touch, just fill in your details over to the right where it says ‘Resonating with this?’.

And here’s the TEDx Noosa website http://tedxnoosa.com/category/speakers/

Holidays are traditionally a time that can be filled with good cheer and blessings, but sometimes it can also be a time of stress as the tensions of a relationship show up more clearly. Time spent being ‘busy’ through the year can sometimes be a way to avoid some deeper issues in a relationship, and in particular, the health of the sexual relating.

There’s a common joke that men can never get enough and women are not available enough. We joke about it but for a couple who love each other, it’s really not funny at all…

Generally, for women, sex is over too quickly …it doesn’t really fulfill her and she may end up trying to avoid it altogether and for men it doesn’t happen often enough and that’s not fulfilling either.

We come to accept this as normal but in society, we have moved so far from our original natures that we accept unloving and unsatisfying sex as part and parcel of a marriage or relationship.

So what makes true fulfilling lovemaking so elusive for otherwise intelligent and loving couples?

In general, we have adopted a more yang approach to sex – goal oriented, fast and with more and more sensation, thus, over too quickly. This makes men and women become slightly goal oriented, sensation oriented, which sometimes inhibits expansion and love.

We are surrounded by so many erotic images in the media – the atmosphere is literally charged with it and this imagery has become the fuel for sex. Consequently we engage in sex through our thinking rather than the heart or being truly present in the body.

The answer lies in humans having more loving sex … sex that actually honours the differences between both men and women.

Both would greatly benefit, emotionally and physically, by taking more time for making love and relaxing into the experience rather than building tension through more and more sensation.

It sounds strange as it goes against what we have come to know sex as. By relaxing more and taking time, a woman really gets to feel herself as more feminine, and a man feels a relief that he does not have to ‘do so much’ in sex.

And this then solves both problems … a woman feels so nourished that she is more open to making love more often and a man becomes more relaxed and less needy or demanding and is less likely to start and finish too soon.

The term ‘making love’ actually means that …. creating love. When a couple makes love more consciously, it’s like a love field is created around them. People feel it. What a wonderful way to create a loving space for your family and to have a truly relaxing holiday!

As originally published in Holistic Bliss magazine

To find out more about this approach to love and intimacy, go to The Making Love Retreat

When we move from this seeking of the mind TO THE BODY, we immediately become present. Using the sensations of breath, we are instantly here in the body, therefore in the present. Bringing our attention to the inner subtle sensations of the body, we are being present. Eg. as in the Breast Meditation for a woman.

To me, there are two aspects to ‘being present’. One is bringing attention to your body and the other is having no goal.

When we begin to bring a goal to what we do then we are immediately out of the present. Having a goal will bring a subtle tension to the body, even if unconsciously. So part of having no goal, once you have brought attention to the body is to then relax.

So if you are moving our body to build up to an orgasm, you are subtly moving to a goal (not so present). If  you are moving your body instinctively, allowing the sensations to move YOU in an attitude of relaxation, rather than you moving it, then you are being more ‘present’.

Being aware of subtle sensations within the body also includes bringing awareness to how emotion sits within the body – in either gross or subtle forms – notice a tightness in any area of the torso. The throat, the neck, the chest, the belly, the womb or groin area, or anywhere in the back – literally any restriction in the body will be a result of stored emotion.

Due to our very busy lives, sometimes pain is the only way we become present to the body!

Being present is something that can happen in an instant if we choose it and due to the nature of the mind to want to think, analyze and judge, we can also instantly be pulled ‘out’ of being present.

So being present is a constant ‘coming back, coming home to the body’. In lovemaking, a couple will soar when they continue to come back home to the body through breath awareness, touch, movement and sensation. If you are single, make the time, just the way a couple would, to devote to yourself to ‘come home to the body’ through your own simple practices as simply being still, awareness to breath, feeling sensations in the body through touch and movement… and remembering … all without a goal!

Already set your goals and making it all happen?

Good on you if you are … and … sometimes, all this action can leave us missing the moment.

I’ve decided that instead of ‘setting a goal’ this year, I’d rather take on a particular theme for the year and the one for 2013 for me is … RELAXATION.

Doesn’t mean I do nothing … just means that I wish to bring my awareness to this quality that, imbued into all I do, I know it can bring me greater love, greater pleasure and abundance in all ways.

I know that when I am pushing, it is never from the right intention – it’s always from ego and it never seems to end up in the right place – it is hard and takes a lot of effort. And I get tired.

If I bring awareness to relaxing, instead of pushing to make something happen, then I can trust that I am in a more loving space.

Recently, a woman shared how unhappy she was in her relationship. After chatting with her for a while, she realized that she’d been pushing her man to be what she wanted. She had a goal and in the end he kind of shut down.

When she relaxed more in her own body and her own femininity and just stated what she wanted from that place, everything changed! And in a very short time, she received exactly what she had been asking for!

Her words were “I was unfolding, like a bud opening, an unfurling, and I just drowned in the sensation and the connection. All my cells felt like they were pumped up … like every cell of my body was alive and plump!”

At Woman’s Body Woman’s Wisdom, I help women understand their femininity more. I invite them to experience in their own bodies, the quality that innocently, and without manipulation, draws to them exactly what they have been yearning for in relationship.

Sometimes, due to past unloving experiences, women can armour their bodies – through weight gain, through creating a particular image to hide behind, focusing on business or children, or even creating an impenetrable wall of anger, blame or hurt. Sometimes even humour can be a wall.

At Woman’s Body Woman’s Wisdom, I take women on a journey into their bodies, and their hearts, in a creative way, that can, if the woman is willing, begin to melt any layer of protection and to create an anchor for Love.

Woman’s Body, Woman’s Wisdom is a workshop for just 16 women. I am so excited to be in Melbourne to run this workshop on 16th Feb and in Maleny 20th April!

Click here for more information.

I’d love to see you there!

With love,

For many there has been a devastation of what was, things have pulled us to places inside ourselves we never knew were there. And yet in this devastation, this crumbling, in this facing of crises, something new emerges – a new resilience, a new insight into self or life, a renewed sense of self, a new clarity. Just as the fire devastates and unflinchingly gets rid of the old, soon the new emerges, new shoots of fresh green contrast the starkness of what was.

This is transformation and to me this is what the ending of the Mayan Calendar was about. And whether you believe in it or not, I don’t know anyone who has not been forced through a process of transformation this year. It’s time to celebrate that, to recognise lessons learned. For me, I have learnt that I cannot control another’s destiny and the choices they make in life. This has been deeply transformative for me.

So I encourage you to TAKE TIME AND PAUSE with yourself, with your beloved, with your children. Light a candle to celebrate and be grateful, to offer prayers and blessings to those going through devastation at this time, or if you still are yourself, and look to the light of Love to be the guide for 2013.

I wish you love from all of my heart … I thank you for being part of The Conscious Heart journey this year. Thank you to those who have travelled the journey with me in the intimacy and depth of a workshop or retreat space, or a one on one session. I remember each one of you and treasure our time. I wish you love and peace and I hope we meet again soon.

Ps. We have a very exciting 2013 coming up and to view upcoming events in 2013, click here.

Instead though, I decided to go back upstairs and use the time to lie on the bed and relax – and the way I relax these days is to do what is called a ‘breast meditation’. It’s easy – you just lie down and imagine melting into your breasts, relaxing and sensing them from the inside, and bringing awareness to the heart area… sometimes you may feel a streaming of energy that is so fine and subtle that flows down into the womb and vagina.

So I lay there for half an hour, not forcing anything, just relaxing, relaxing. Then I just got up, fixed my hair and went down to the lobby and outside to meet Gene.

What happened in the next few minutes was like something out of a movie! Honestly … it was incredible. It was like I was experiencing each moment frame by frame.

The second I walked into the lobby a man in his 40′s met my eye and smiled. As he passed and I moved forward, all the men behind the front desk looked up.

I walked through the turnstile and was greeted by the concierge … well that always happens…

Then I looked to my left and about twelve men were waiting on the corner in a huddle – most of them turned and met my eyes. I walked out further into the courtyard looking around for Gene who had not turned up yet.

Right in front of me was a man in his 30′s with two women leaning against a car. He sat up, his face lit up as he smiled and greeted me. Of course I smiled back and said hi.

Wondering at this stage what the hell was going on, I kind of smiled inside – well , I’m human … it’s nice to be over 50 now and still get a little attention!

Then I turned back toward the hotel and went to the right where the high set coffee tables were by the river – as I brushed past another man in his late 50′s, he greeted me too! I smiled, said hi and moved on. Gawd, what was going on? I’ve never had men I don’t even know, speaking to me like that in just a few moments. I’ve had them look but not to approach me, and actually say something …

And then again! Another man moved toward me and greeted me – all very respectfully, no weird stuff going on.

By this time I was really smiling and thinking … this bloody breast meditation stuff really works!

My Swiss friend Nathalie, was so surprised when I told her this – she said that Swiss men never speak to women like that.

And all this happened, frame by frame, in literally the space of about two minutes! It has really convinced me of the subtle power that a woman has to drawing the masculine presence toward her. I was not trying to make anything happen … I was innocently looking around … I believe it was not how I looked physically… I was not wearing high heels or a short skirt, or revealing my breasts … none of the usual trademark looks to get attention.

As Diana Richardson says, ‘women become irresistible to a man when she rests in her own natural feminine presence.’

This is not something that one woman can have and no others … this is the force, the equal force that every woman innately has irrespective of age, and has the potential to experience.

Osho says that all meditation techniques have been developed by men. As we know these usually involve focusing on the base (perineum) in order to raise energy.

However because woman is an equal and opposite force to man, Osho says that for women all meditation should begin from the breasts. Woman’s energy raising pole lies in the breasts/heart and not in the base of the body. This may be a strange concept. But try it – it really works.

Of course any time it is possible for a woman to visualize drawing energy from the base (vagina) upward and radiating it out of the breasts, which can have energizing effects, however the energy is not really being raised from the positive pole – and it is this aspect that is deeply transforming.

Through a woman melting and merging with her breasts (and thus her heart) she awakens and accesses the true radiance, fragrance and sweetness of the feminine. This is likely to be a more subtle experience based on sensitivity rather than an overwhelming or sensational experience.

Crucial is to enter into the breast without wanting to ‘get’ any result – not to make any kind of goal out of it. When I did this meditation in my hotel room – it was not to ‘get something’ it was simply to just be … and to relax within my body.

There were no fireworks, no huge sensational experience, no techniques, or even moving the body – no focusing on anything, just being…just melting, relaxing, being, in my own body.

So what I’d say to both single or women in partnerships, if you are wanting to feel more attractive within yourself and interested in attracting a man into your life, not to try so hard … relax more, soften into yourself.

And experiment with the breast meditation, as I have described, not even necessarily to attract the guys or as a strategy, but rather to experience the complete beauty of the inner sensual nature of your woman’s body.

So there you have it – my Zurich experience – I will never forget it.

(Footnote: Gene was delighted when I told him the story as it proved that this really works!)

I will be conducting a two hour workshop incorporating the Breast Meditation at Everywoman Gathering 28-30th October 2012. Details here.

Feel free to join my newsletter and my growing community of women and men here to receive updates on events, workshops and articles like this.

If you’d like to purchase books by Diana Richardson, have a look at Recommended Reading.

The woman’s eyes welled up with tears as we offered the suggestion to not force her body into sex at any time…. that any sense of doing it from a place of obligation is not coming from the a place that is true inside herself and that perhaps there was good reason why she was so reluctant.

My heart went out to her as I remembered this relief for myself, when I began to give myself permission to NOT be what my mind had so rigorously made me have to be – that is, a ‘concept’ of the ravishing wild woman, the sensual sex goddess, the ever ready raunchy one that fulfilled another’s fantasy or concept of what a woman is.

It seems that with all the advertising and hype around – how to get more orgasms and more sensation, more this, more that, that women are feeling the pressure … and from all directions, not only from their man but from their peers and society, to be ‘hanging from the rafters’ as this young woman put it.

The stress that women are under right now to be the performer is just too much to bear for some.  And especially those, whose bodies have been through some major events like childbirth, prolonged IVF, surgery … these events take some time for the body to bounce back from and to pile expectations on it wreaks havoc for a woman’s psyche, let alone her body. And yet it is not just this picture that can make a woman reluctant after a period of being together for some years … As Diana Richardson so eloquently puts it…

“Many a woman perceives herself as frigid because she cannot open up so quickly to a man (and because some man has told her that she is so). This is not frigidity. This is a natural reluctance to enter the sex act the way it is commonly done these days – as just another task is in a busy day, without adequate preparation. If given sufficient time, women love to make love – especially when warmed up to a full-body yes.”

The body cannot be forced. Given the right environment, it will open effortlessly and deliciously, of its own accord.

And so how to create the environment where a woman feels that ‘yes’?

First of all, any kind of pressure, either from herself or her lover, will cause her to be uptight, emotional and anxious – just going to bed will be anxiety ridden and the last thing you need for a fulfilling sex life is to be anxious!

Coming to making love has to be a choice – it cannot be from obligation or compromise. This is not love or loving. The thing is that the choice for a woman becomes so much easier and more enticing, when the focus turns from the goal or end product to the process.

Little do women know that they actually hold the key to unlock the mystery of unfulfilled sexual experiences – that she in fact can affect the lovemaking experience by recognising what she was born with, the inner quality of femininity, receptivity and love.

To access this, her first step is developing the art of focussing inward on herself, rather than the habitual focus on the man to please (a goal). By focussing on her own body, feeling it from within, in particular, relaxing and connecting to her inner experience, she develops the awareness of her own finer sensitive inner energy. (It goes the same for a man. As he also returns inward and stops focussing on her, he develops the masculine quality of presence.)

The automatic by-product will be that she will soon feel the energy arise within herself and then be able to connect naturally. It is from here, remaining in her own awareness, that she can access the full spectrum of woman, in all her qualities, and all the while, innocent and authentic, without the burden of ‘trying’ to be something she isn’t in that moment.

Second is to create an environment of relaxation. A woman’s ability to open inwardly first as well as relaxing are the first two keys on the journey to a fulfilling engagement with her man and in fact these two alone, if she remains with these in her awareness will open her up to a space where the sexual experience unfolds for itself.  These two are very much in her hands.

So ladies, give yourself permission to say no … to compromise. And instead give yourself permission to say yes to yourself and the hidden potential of Love that lives so generously within your own body, if you allow it. Take the pressure off, make the space to feel what you are feeling and let lovemaking happen – in a spacious and pressure free zone.

And finally, what would it be like to just let go of all concepts of what a woman or a man is and just be simple, be authentic, be innocent and see what magic unfolds in the ‘not knowing’ what will come next?

If you’d like to experience the unique teaching of this conscious loving The Making Love Retreat is coming up in November 4-10. And it’s not just for couples where the woman has closed down. It’s for all couples who want to deepen their experience of love and find a renewed way of being in lovemaking.

To understand more about Why Women Close down and how to open up again, click here

You can purchase books by Diana Richardson to begin or continue your journey of love.

David Rotter interviews the creator of The Making Love Retreat, Diana Richardson, for SEIN Magazine in Germany on 24 April 2012.

David Rotter: Diana, you teach people how to make love in a fulfilling way. It is crazy: We learn how to solve differential calculus in school – but no-one teaches how to make love. We learn all sorts of things from religion or philosophy – but we don’t learn how to make love. Mostly our parents seem to avoid any deep talk about that too. Everybody seems to be interested in a fulfilling sex-life but nobody seems to be willing to teach it! Well, you took the job. How did that happen? Can you share a bit of your journey?

Diana: Yes, it really is food for thought that we are not taught anything about how to make love. And if you look directly at the situation you will realize that sex itself is the most common denominator amongst people. We may speak different languages, belong to different religious groups, emerge from different races and cultures, eat different foods, sing different songs, but sex is basic and unites humanity. So the fact that sex is not talked about openly and is not central to our education and upbringing seems very strange.

My own exploration into sex started with the clear intention to ‘change the way I made love’. I was in my early thirties and I was living in India. I was curious about what other possibilities existed. I had enjoyed sex in the conventional way and I felt motivated to explore alternatives. At that time I had been with a partner for over seven years, and he was not interested in change, so we went our separate ways. Soon after I met a man who was very interested in exploring, so through frequent lovemaking for a concentrated period of time, a totally new experience and perception of sex emerged. Really it was a process of one thing leading to another in an organic way. Friends started to notice that I wasn’t showing up in social circles, some could sense something was happening for me, and a few asked what I was up to in my spare time. The word spread around slowly, with the result that friends started asking questions or advice about their sex lives, and couples started coming to me for relationship consultations.

In this way I came to know that it was easy for me to explain or go into details in a way that supported others. I then designed the week long Making Love Retreat for Couples, and at the beginning of 1993 I taught my approach to the teachers of the Osho School of Tantra in India. Six months later I started doing retreats in Europe, together with my partner Michael, who is a tremendous force and inspiration in the unfolding and flowering of the work. At a certain point I had the urge to see if the essence could be conveyed through the written word, so as an experiment in 1996 I wrote my first book (The Love Keys/The Heart of Tantric Sex). I really enjoyed writing so I have written five other books since then, two of them with Michael as co-author.

However what is certain is that at the outset of my journey I had absolutely no goal, it was a day to day affair, with only my own life in mind. Not the lives of others. And it certainly would have been impossible to imagine, when I made that choice so many years ago, that my life would end up revolving around sex and love – on a personal level, as well as teaching and writing about it.

David Rotter: Some say, we do not need anyone to teach us about lovemaking. We just have to connect to our hearts and the innate wisdom of the body again. But we are all so hooked up to the mental plane and to ideas and concepts that we do not listen anymore. Interestingly a good bit of your work seems to be just that: To get out of the head and really make love from the heart, soul and body again – something you call “slow sex”. What are the ingredients of such lovemaking? What is the most crucial shift to make? Can you give a brief overview?

Diana: I would agree with the statement that all we really need is to connect to our hearts and the innate wisdom of the body again. And the real issue here lies with the mind, not the heart and the body. It is our basic psychology that stands in the way of us naturally accessing the wisdom of our bodies. A level of innocence and presence is required for sexual energy and love to flow spontaneously. The sexual imprints that influence us on an unconscious level as we grow up become a form of ‘sexual conditioning’, and it is this layer of the psychology that prevents us accessing our inner wisdom. So any shift needs to be accompanied by a fundamental change in the psyche and the way we view sex, and the reasons why we enter into sex.

In order for us to tap into the intelligence of the body we need to relax back into ourselves; be interested in the present moment without goals or expectations; give value to the inner fine subtle layers of sensitivity in the body rather than depend on outer stimulation and sensation. This requires that we become more conscious and aware during each moment of the sexual communion. When we are more conscious we naturally tend to slow down. When we are slow we become more sensitive and therefore are able to feel more. We relax and contain the sexual energy, instead building up to a peak through tension, and then discharging the vitality. Being more conscious also means challenging our inherited patterns and habits in sex, unlearning acquired behavior patterns and slowly unwinding to a state of innocence from where we can tune into the heart and the intelligence of the body.

David Rotter: I can see elements of Taoism, Sexual Tantra and other mystic love-making practices (like the teachings of Barry Long) in what you share. However the way you share seems to be very accessible to people from all walks of life as it isn’t too spiritual or esoteric in the way it comes across. Was that your aim? What were your influences and what inspired you to give “slow sex” the form it now has?

Diana: It was over thirty years ago that I first read about Tantra and higher dimensions to sex in a book of Osho. I remember feeling touched and inspired, but at the same time I really had zero clue what he was talking about. I could not see any bridge or connection between my experience of sex up until that time, and the kind of elevated experience he was pointing towards. Some time later I listened to the Barry Long Making Love audio-tapes, and gradually incorporated his suggestions into my lovemaking, and doing so granted me a completely new way of perceiving the genitals. During this phase I made love frequently and listened to his tapes hundreds of times, until I got to the point that I knew almost every word by heart. So I stopped listening and continued practicing.

A few years later I started to read Osho again, and this time around I was so surprised to realize that now I knew exactly what he was describing, and how to manage it. From that point onwards I began to incorporate Osho’s ancient tantric teachings into my love-making. I filtered certain information through my body that led to an evolution in understanding – one that has come to represent a synthesis of these two quite different, yet compatible, sources. And while such practices may ultimately have esoteric explanations or spiritual implications, I did not have anything particularly spiritual or esoteric in mind. I simply started out wanting to change the way in which I made love. So perhaps the reason why people find my approach accessible is because I put theory into practice and found simple body oriented ways that worked for me.

David Rotter: Making love without aiming for orgasm, in total relaxation and sometimes without even moving seems like quite an outlandish idea for many. But if we do, it is as if new dimensions open. In your newest film couples share their experiences with slow sex. In your long career what are the most common and most striking things people report from this practice?

Diana: Changing the way you make love transforms and empowers you as an individual so it will have an impact on many levels – not just your sex life. Couples report that they experience more peace and harmony in their relationship, They feel more ‘in love’ with each other, more present to each other, there is more co-operation and understanding. On an individual level there is an increase in self-love, self-respect, self-confidence and happiness. Some notice an improvement in overall health and an increase in creativity.

Couples find that problems and misunderstandings between them are more quickly resolved. There will be a significant reduction in the level of emotionality and the arguing and fighting patterns that so often dominate and destroy love relationships. With an understanding of the significant difference between emotions and feelings, as explained during the Making Love Retreat, partners have simple tools to deal with the negativity of emotion. They become capable of protecting and sustaining their love, instead of falling into unconscious emotional patterns that can so easily interfere with love.

As an example of what people say, just the other day Michael and I received a n email from a couple who wrote: “The last few months, we live with a peace between us that we have never known before. Deep changes are happening on many levels, and we are uncovering many diamonds, that are more and more able to shine.”

To me these words convey so beautifully the value of making a change.

David Rotte: In my personal experience the deeper we go with this kind of practice, the more it becomes inevitable that we touch another reality, the energetic universe, the divine. Suddenly Sex becomes purely sacred, the lover a gateway to the source, the genitals turn into something mystical, magical beyond grasp or words. To you, what is the deeper meaning of lovemaking and how is it mirrored in our bodies?

Diana: For me essentially it’s about love. Love is the fabric of the universe and we embody that love. Through the body we can become infused with universal love and wisdom.

David Rotter: Sexuality is at the very core of us as humans. It is both one of our most basic physical needs and a path to the divine. Slow Sex doesn’t only affect our sex life and relationship, but it also changes us as beings. Did you ever imagine a world where everybody knows about slow sex? What do you see? Is this a vision that keeps you doing what you do? When will it be a school subject?

Diana: I see slow conscious sex as the next step in human evolution. We have evolved in so many unimaginable and remarkable ways but the truth is our sexual repertoire remains very limited and un-evolved. There is an urgent need to live our sexual potential by taking sex a step beyond its reproductive and biological aspect. It is not that biology is denied. Instead a door is opened that expands the vision, creates options and gives choices. And because how we have sex changes us as beings – the essential by-product or outcome of such a sexual shift would be people who are integrated, happy and fulfilled; able to live in peace and loving harmony with each other. As individuals we would be more loving, have more insight, clarity, awareness, and sensitivity. We would be centered in the heart, instead of developing the ego; we would invest our time in being, instead of getting so involved in doing; we would be interested in sensitivity, instead of constantly seeking sensation; we would be more serene, relaxed and content in the present, not so restless, tense and anxious/fearful of the future.

Today we live in very stressful and tense times, and sex is often filled with all kind of tensions and stresses. For example – performance pressures, erection issues, premature ejaculation problems amongst men; and amongst women there are issues around lack of orgasm, reports of a gradual loss of interest in sex, insecurity that something is personally wrong with them. In slow sex all these issues and themes dissolve or resolve because sex is experienced from a completely different perspective. And the sooner slow sex can become a subject at school the better. It will create a foundation of individuals who know themselves on a basic sexual level, and thus be in a position to create happy inspiring lives and have loving, fulfilling and sustainable relationships. The Slow Sex film, aimed at young people as well as adults, gives an intelligent perspective on sex that is in direct contrast to what is seen in the media, films and magazines. In my experience of teaching I have observed that the younger the couple are, the more open and ready they are to trying out something else. They are not yet caught in any fixed pattern/routine or identified with having sex in a specific way. There is an innocence that enables them to easily access the innate wisdom of the body and discover sex as a natural spontaneous expression of love. The young are closer to their original nature than they will be as adults 20-30 years down the sexual track so in my view educating the young people is the wise and obvious place to begin.

……………………..

The Making Love Retreat is now here in Australia!  Janet McGeever and Gene Thompson will be presenting this life-changing retreat in Byron Bay July 7th – 13th. Click here to read what participants said about the March event in Byron Bay

To find out more about Diana Richardson’s work, visit her website Living Love

Diana Richardson and husband Michael

Nothing seems to stir the human heart more than children – our own children, other’s children. There is something that implores even the hardest of hearts to soften. Seeing the children in India on my recent trip was truly a gift, particularly at the orphanage we visited.

With them, our hearts melted. It was as if all our grownup shielding, ‘gameplaying’, and strategies to get our own needs met just fell away.

Why is that? How come children seem to open us up like no-one else?

Whatever the reason, it’s easy to have children melt our hearts, and as parents to keep them as the focus in our lives.

Yet with this focus, many couples lose sight of the fact that they are also a couple in relationship and just as the health and welfare of their children is important, it is also vital to keep the relationship in good health to maintain a coupledom that is balanced and will hold up for the long term.

It’s quite amazing that I hear myself saying these things because when my children were young, the last thing I really wanted to do was to connect sexually. I’d do much to avoid it to be quite honest, even though I knew I ‘should’.

However, years on, I have come to understand that the way we connected was not fulfilling for me as a woman and certainly not sustainable for a truly authentic loving relationship long term.

If I’d had the tools to realize that a more relaxed approach to making love, one that was more still, more natural, more tender, as well as more healthy, loving respectful communication, I feel sure that I would have been more open.

The thing is that a healthy, loving, respectful relationship, will have an even greater impact on children than making sure that they are involved in five sports a week. If parents are relaxed, the kids will be relaxed. It’s a given. Very simple.

If connection between a couple is open and harmonious, then the children will balance out their behavior easily and quickly.

At The Making Love Retreats in Europe that we have attended with our mentors, Diana and Michael Richardson, couples attend every year just to replenish their relationship. And the children notice.

When they feel their parents getting niggly again, the children tell them they need go into the bedroom and love each other! Or to ‘go back to that place you went for a week’.

So children respond. They know. They feel energetically what is happening between you as a couple.

After knowing what I know now, without sacrificing the needs of my children, I can see how nurturing myself more and nurturing an authentically loving connection as a couple is paramount.

So what to do? Here are my tips …

1. Make love your priority – not kids, finances, work or sex. Love is the umbrella that all these things can fall under.
2. On a weekly basis, schedule time, like scheduling an appointment, for 'loving'. This doesn't have to mean to end up 'making love', it's just time for loving.
3. Depending on the age of your children, if you feel comfortable with it, tell your children that mummy and daddy are going to the bedroom to 'love each other'.
4. Be free and open in your communication with your children about sexuality and be willing to face your own discomfort as it arises regarding any sexual issues.
5. Children learn by example – they are feeling, sensing beings – respect that and honour their development by nurturing your own self and your own relationship through healthy positive communication and acknowledging feelings – they will benefit by your example.
6. For men, be willing to put your sexual needs aside at times, to put the children first. For women, be willing to balance your nurturing needs to make the relationship a priority at times.

As you grow more love, come to truly know yourself as love, live in, and take action from love, so too your children will respond in miraculous ways. The approach to lovemaking that we teach at our Making Love Retreat and Being Love retreat, offers a space where the barriers, layers and shielding can just fall away, to effortlessly reveal the Love that is the source of your being.

Wouldn’t that just be the best gift you could give your children, no matter what age they are, in 2012?

For more information or to register for our 6 days of immersion in a revolutionary teaching go to http://theconsciousheart.com/the-making-love-retreat